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Refuse, Reject, Repeat

I’ve been mostly silent of late because I’ve had a real battle on my hands: breast refusal.

It started while we were in hospital.В  Eskil has always been quite a sleepy bub, so had to be woken up for feeds.В  And then wasn’t very alert.В  Plus apparently breastfeeding is quite an exhausting thing for a newborn to do (talk about a design failure!), so in hospital I started supplementing by pumping.В  I’m lucky that The Fertile One lent me an electric breast pump so when I went home I was ready for this.В  When she gave it to me I didn’t think I’d need it, but it’s been a life saver.В  And my son is certainly my husband’s child: he’s such a greedy eater he really loves the bottle, which he can gulp milk out of.В  But unlike my husband, Eskil now seems to regard my breasts as his worst nightmare.В  So unfortunately we’re now at a place where I pump pretty much exclusively.

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Please don’t worry too much; I’m just letting you know what happens in the darkest moments in the darkest reaches of my mind.В  I know these things aren’t true.В  But it’s hard to get the continual rejection; feeds happen 7 10 times a day.В  It’s exhausting, and it’s a lot of refusal.В  The up side is so far I’ve been able to keep up with his ever-increasing hunger sometimes just barely, but sometimes I can get at least a feed ahead.

And I haven’t given up on breastfeeding, even though I’m giving us a small break from trying.В  It really starts to impact your relationship, so I’m giving us a holiday from that and just pumping and trying to enjoy my son.В  But I’m not giving up; I think my approach to infertility shows that’s not likely!!

The Ojai Cook Lemonaise Light 12 Oz.

I'm 3 months old!

Caley is 3 months old today!She's doing pretty well at home, and Mommy and Daddy are learning...slowly.We had our first pediatrician appointment on Monday, and she was up to 4 pounds, 13 ounces -- almost 6 ounces more than when she left the NICU last Thursday!She's 16.5 inches long and her head circumference is 12.5 inches.Still less than the 5th percentile (even for her adjusted age), but light-years ahead of where she started!

We have been introducing Caley to new toys, bouncy seats, and swings in the last week.Her current favorite item is the playmat she received from the Garcias.She likes to lay on it and talk to all of the toys hanging down from the toy bars.Video to come soon!

As for us, we're working on getting back into a more normal schedule (or a "new normal" -- life with a newborn), now that our days don't revolve around trips to the hospital.We hope we can start to get caught up on conversations with all of you, as well as our embarra*singly late thank yous.Despite the belated calls, notes, and emails, we hope you all know how much gratitude and love we have for all of you who helped us through the NICU phase in so many different ways.

K and the days of summer